By Vasilika Vanya Marinkovic / Secret World Entertainment ©
Lose and Keep Weight off Forever – The Future of Robotics Part I
THE DRIVE THRU
“I’ll take a triple cheeseburger-loaded, extra-large fries and a large coke”, said Bill who was thirty two, beginning to lose his hair and growing a spare tire to boot.
Every night he would curse his imaginary God. It was 2032, for the proverbial Christ’s sake and those stupid scientists hadn’t even invented something for hair loss! Well, at least he still had strong erections. Problem was, not many women allowed him to put that to use.
But Bill was definitely hungry right now, as he and the roomie had just gotten done watching NASCAR-in the air-one thousand laps of supreme flying and car smash-ups and a hundred thousand screaming and fighting fans. Now, Bill and Clarissa had built up major appetites and decided to run through the drive through of the ever popular Farm Fresh Fried n’ Sides. This establishment and chain purported that they got all their meat from a major farm in Iceland that engaged in compassionate raising of, living, and destruction of cattle and chicken.
The Farm Fresh Fried n’ Sides also achieved much of its fame due to its futuristic theme. The restaurants sported a humongous neon lit flying saucer over their roofs, bigger than the restaurant itself. Then, the entire drive through areas were surrounded by hundreds of miniatures of the neon lit flying saucers.
Bill’s roommate Clarissa eyed him warily, hoping he was done with his food order and didn’t have any lingering thoughts or wishes to buffer it. Clarissa was twenty-four and over weight-by at least eighty pounds. She was known for sleeping around, faster than you can say “sex”. Figuring Bill was done, Clarissa began to place her order.
“Wait!” interrupted Bill. “I also want a frozen peanut butter chocolate pie.”
“Dude, you’re going to get as big as me” Clarissa said, irritated. She should have he wasn’t finished with his stupid order.
“If I can get just as much pussy as you get dick by gaining weight-
“Man, shut up! Being big isn’t why I get all the guys. It’s because of my awesome personality and I’m actually pretty. Besides, I want to work on my weight.”
“By getting bigger or smaller?” retorted Bill. And the two began to pummel each other with light fists and playful kicks and grunts.
Being a smart ass was Bill’s trademark. And this behavior had cost him many high quality friends over the years. And Bill wouldn’t admit it, but it had cost him in the woman department as well, as a lack there of. He actually wasn’t a bad looking man. He simply had no clue as to how incredibly insulting he could be. Case in point, right now: egging Clarissa about her weight with a despicable methodology.
“Shut the fuck up Bill. I said, being big-or fat isn’t fun. It sucks.”
“Like liposuction?” he came back at her.
“Is anyone else going to order?” questioned the body less female voice through the intercom. “Because I don’t have all day.”
An echo function on the sound system was purposely up high for the drive through, to give the drive-through workers a futuristic sound.
“Oh yeah, if Bill didn’t keep interrupting my ass-
“If I interrupted your ass, would you lose weight or have a good time? He asked playfully.
“You shut the-
Clarissa didn’t quite finish her threat, as her actions took over. She reached out to smack her roommate, but stopped just inches away from his face in warning. It was serious this time.
“I definitely wouldn’t have a good time-dick breath! Anyway, I’ll just order the number three, plain, just ketchup.”
“I’m going to ketchup with you!” joked Bill, pointing at his stomach and immediately, he and Clarissa began to roughhouse, smacking each other kind of hard.
“Your total comes out to $46.98” said the female voice. “And I don’t think any of this is funny, in any shape or form” she said very seriously and loudly enough that anyone who was in the drive through would be able to hear now. And the rant was only just beginning.
“I’m a big girl too and I’ve been saving up for something new coming on the market this Friday.”
Honk. Apparently the trio behind Bill and Clarissa were also hungry and getting impatient.
“What is coming out this Friday? Mocked Bill. He’d asked the question with a lisp, contorting his face, quite possibly mimicking a developmentally disabled person.
“Bill! Bill is coming out of the closet everyone!” yelled Clarissa out the window, as if the world were to actually care.
“This is important people!” stated the mysterious drive through worker. It was actually a very feminine and pretty voice.
“What the hell’s going on?” yelled a chubby strawberry blonde haired man, leaning out the window of his vehicle. He was in his early forties and in the third car behind, and a fourth just pulled up behind him.
“Yes, yes, tell us what you’re getting this Friday!” yelled Clarissa, engaging the drive through girl.
“Is it a hot stud?”
“No”, said the female voice.
“Some hot sex with a hot dude won’t cure me from being heavy.”
At this, Clarissa’s face became somber.
“Aw” Bill mocked, patting her shoulder and she countered by punching his.
The disembodied female voice continued.
“Nor am I interested in the sexy male hanky-panky robot.”
“Ah, ha!” let out Clarissa, eyes honing in on Bill. “You feeling emasculated?”
2032 had paved the way for a lot of things; flying vehicles, more farmed meat, basic humanoid robots. And even ones for sexual gratification. Bills face was kind of somber now. Perhaps girls he’d been with preferred the sex robot to him due to his hyper rudeness and over the top sarcasm.
“Hey” yelled the tubby strawberry blonde haired guy getting out of his car, “I’m going to hire a thug robot to come beat the shit out of all of you!”
Bill made to get out of the car.
“Sit your ass down” advised Clarissa. “You ain’t no prize fighter. You’ll get your ass killed.”
Bill sheepishly stayed put. “Thug robots are only for law enforcement, dick head.” Bill said this under his breath, as if the guy could actually hear him.
“Hey!” yelled a sexy woman hanging out the window from the car behind theirs. “Don’t knock the sexy male hanky-panky robot till you’ve tried it. I’m telling. He will do whatever you want!”
Bill shot out the window to take in the site of the sexy woman, advocating the pleasure bot.
“It!” he blurted. “You’re fucking an “it”, a vibrator with a body!”
“Emasculated?” asked Clarissa. Bill once again had an expression of seriousness as he sank back into the vehicle.
The drive through line enshrouded in a series of honks, the tubby guy waiting in line was now threatening to bump the trio and the new driver behind him. The disembodied voice spoke more loudly, competing to be heard over it all.
“On Friday, I will be purchasing the first of its kind series 2033, Nutrition, Exercise, Diet and Portion Control Robot. The “Metropa-Less” is designed to get anyone in perfect shape. And I plan to be one of the first in line to purchase her.”
“It!” yelled Bill.
The angry driver began to kiss the bumpers of the trio in front of him, who knocked into Clarissa and Bill, as well as the driver behind him. There were an obnoxious series of honks now and shouts.
“Hey!” yelled Clarissa.
“Easy now” advised Bill. “You usually go for pretty boys. I think that tub lard is almost as big as you. If the two of you get together, you could very well re-invent the atom bomb.”
Clarissa smacked a fist into Bills head, with the lame jokester defending himself by going for bitch slaps, but she was much faster and the two went to town, rocking the small vehicle with a round of violence. Meanwhile, cars continued to honk and the female drive through worker continued her rant.
“I’m buying my robot tomorrow. I started working at this Farm Fresh fried n’ Sides when I was eighteen years old. Within two years, I’d put on twenty-five pounds. Then it took another three years of me working at this grease dump and fifteen more pounds added to my ass to save the frickin money to buy the 2033 Metropa-less. So come tomorrow, this robot will make sure I exercise every day, eat good food and the right portions and-
“You’re fired!” a male voice shouted at the orator.
Honk, smack, honk.
“Hey, fuck you mother fuckers. I’m so hungry, I’m suing!” yelled the chubby man.
It was not a completely ridiculous threat. For years now, frivolous law suits often involved people claiming emotional scarring due to dirty looks and perceived “bad vibes” from others.
“I don’t care!” yelled the girl to her boss, and this was echoed out to all the wary customers in the drive through.
“I was about to quit anyway, because my new robot will not want me working at this dump with this nasty fattening muck!”
There was a loud clang and the intercom system went to a high pitch squeal. All the drive through customers immediately were forced to cover their ears. And they grew frightened when a low flying police shuttle hovered down momentarily, eyeing everyone.
Next, they witnessed a somewhat plump, yet nice looking young woman shoot out the door of the Farm Fresh Fried n’ Sides. She headed toward the Robotics USA across the street, where already, a line was forming. People had tents, coolers and other outdoor survival gear, in order to wait the night, till the store opened in the morning. Naturally, Bill scoffed at this display.
“All those stupid idiots are not going to lose weight with a fitness whatever fuckin robot.”
THE END. THE BEGINNING.